Being tempered in the fire has only made me stronger.

I probably should not wear my heart on my sleeve as much as I do. However, I am going to share something personal with you all today.

 

On this day, 12th December, last year I walked into the Cardiac Clinic at West Suffolk Hospital for what I thought would be a routine Angiogram. I had been having some discomfort while out running and having had a heart attack while competing in a race back in 2010, I thought It better to get myself checked out. I did wonder if, during the nine years since my MI, my heart disease had got worse. I imagined that; I might be prescribed some additional medication or perhaps at worse have another stent fitted. What I did not bargain for was being admitted there and then as a critical care case diagnosed with advanced heart disease and fast-tracked for open-heart bypass surgery. I was in the hospital from 12th December until 4th January and then re-admitted a few months later due to complications. I finally “escaped” from the hospital to come home to COVID-19 and a national lockdown.

During my time in hospital and recovery, two of my oldest friends died within months of each other. Being classified as “high risk” I was shielding and unable to attend the first funeral. I “masked up,” socially distanced, and attended the second. I was damned if I was going to miss both.

Firstly, let me say that I am well now thank you. Close to being 100% and back running and functioning in the world. Secondly, I do not write this to lament what I have lost or to feel sorry for myself. On the contrary. I write this to celebrate what I have gained. Being tempered in the fire has only made me stronger and more resilient. Yes, I have lost old friends, but I have also gained new ones. I am alive when, due to this dreadful Coronavirus, an awfully lot of people are not. My priorities have changed, as indeed they did after my first MI in 2010, and I am now less inclined to rush around the country coaching and delivering workshops. However, the lockdown has encouraged me to convert much of my knowledge to a format suitable for online delivery. And this in turn has opened opportunities with training companies to deliver online workshops on their behalf.
So, like many of us I suspect, 2020 will not go down as one of my favorite years. Yet, far from feeling sorry for myself, I find myself feeling a profound sense of gratitude. Gratitude for spotting the deterioration of my heart disease before the fatal heart attack, that was waiting in the shadows, struck. Gratitude for the skills of the surgical team who carried out the triple bypass operation. Gratitude for the nurses and hospital staff who cared for me. Gratitude for the love of my family and gratitude for all my friends who messaged me daily with words of encouragement. Gratitude that I had a degree of physical fitness and mental fortitude that sustained me and allowed me to make a good recovery. Gratitude that I and my family managed to steer clear of COVID-19 when many others were not so lucky.
So, as 2020 comes to an end, I look forward to 2021 with a positive attitude and a belief that things will get better for us all.

But, above all, I look forward to 2021 with sincere gratitude for still being alive and happy in the world.